Don’t be a People Pleaser

Now this is something I have had the hardest time letting go off in my life. I used to have zero self-esteem and confidence in myself and my life previously. I don’t know how it started, but it was at a very tender age that I felt so incompetent at life, I felt like a loser, I hated myself for not being able to fit in. When I sit down and reflect on this portion of my life, I know that I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to feel this way. Not necessarily the wrong people, but I think I was surrounded by the wrong attitudes. People said things to me that hurt my core at such a young age and for some reason I took it very hard compared to my peers, who couldn’t care less. I admired strong people. I wished I could be carefree, I wished I could just do naughty things but the consequences scared the crap out of me. 

So this people pleasing attitude took birth from my low self esteem and lack of confidence in myself. I wanted so bad to fit in that i became vulnerable to even the wrong company. People I believed had my best interests, really didn’t. But then again, people that were supposed to have my best interests didn’t either. I tended to trust the wrong people, then hate myself for it. I felt so betrayed by life sometimes. I used to admire best friends and groups of friends…why couldn’t I have that? I was the kind of person that would bend over backwards for someone I cared for. 

I had this yearning to impress people, my family, my friends. I just wanted to be part of their world…it looked great from where I was viewing it. I allowed people to bully me into being someone I’m not. I knew what people expected of me so instead of having the courage to do what makes me happy, I pushed myself to do what I thought everyone else thinks is what I should be doing.

I have had to change myself and my personality because people around me couldn’t handle what I am. Because they didn’t share the same interests, couldn’t hold a dialogue with me, they made me feel like I was stupid and out of my mind. I felt ashamed to express who I was. Simple as the kind of music I listened to, or my love of reading, I was thought to be very dull and not in with the crowd. You know, at a young age, most of us tend to experience some really shitty things before we shape our own perspective of life. After years of feeling like I was sinking at rock bottom, hope was not a part of my vocabulary, I just could not take this feeling anymore.

I needed to be strong enough to let these people go. I needed to let these people who could not accept me for who I am, know that I am growing and I have to leave you behind. God placed some people in my life to help me with this struggle. Some are still around, some are not, but I’ve learned to understand that people leave, they don’t stay forever and I don’t have to feel guilty about it. My biggest therapy was learning to let people go, the ones that know me for what I’m worth, aren’t going anywhere!

It is hard and and it will be hard for those who are now dealing with this, but please don’t be a people “pleaser”. If you have to please someone more than yourself, then they aren’t worth being in your life. You have to know your self worth and you have to understand that being alone is greater than being surrounded by people who make you feel alone. I have wasted too many years feeling like this, I refuse to put myself in that situation again. If people cannot be genuinely happy for you and your life, then let them go. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

Just because I did not have hope for myself, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. Somewhere in the world there were a few other people like me who I got the opportunity to cross paths with. I am not a big socialite, but I do have a few people who exist in my life that accept me for who I am. They accept that I can be different from them, I can be the same like them, we can learn from each other and generally just wish each other well. 

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