About two nights ago, i checked in on my three year old before i went to bed and she was huddled in a corner with the most frightful look ever. When i asked her what was wrong, she threw herself into my arms for comfort. We cuddled for a few minutes then she was able to tell me that there was a bug on the bed.
I know, I know. But my daughter is terrified of little crawling or flying insects, i was quite the same hence I deal with this kind of thing carefully.
As a child, I had many fears and insecurities…none of them were addressed as anything significant. I was ridiculed, made fun off because I was either scared or hurt by something that seemed trivial to others.
Fast forward twenty years and I do still hear those words of stones in my head. The memories associated with being hurt or scared, reminds me of being a failure. I was a failure to be strong, to be fearless, to laugh of trivial things. This is how I was seen for most of my life, and perhaps even now.
When I see myself in my firstborn, I tread carefully and lightly, not wanting to create a scar or a dent in her confidence. If she is uncomfortable or scared by something, we talk about it, we find a solution. Bottom line is I listen to her.
How many times I have wished that I had a caring ear to listen to my nonsensical, trivial problems. The insults, the way people laughed at me had damaged me. I am an adult now and I’d like to think that I have a better head on my shoulders but it’s important to reflect on your own circumstances when dealing with your children.
Be that listening ear, be that comforting shoulder to lean on. Your children’s world start with you. The foundation of their support system starts with you. In their initial years, you are their backbone, their best friend. It’s almost like the effect of a first love. It’s dangerous on a child’s mind to be disappointed. Think about how we as adults lash out and wallow in our sorrows when things don’t work out.
Listen, understand and support. Take your children seriously. However small the matter may seem to you, it is big to them.