When you become a mother, or even a wife, your life as you know it changes. There’s someone else that you have to put before yourself and your needs. As sentencing as it sounds, it’s what comes with being a mother. Naturally, our family becomes our main focus.
Some of us return to long days of work without seeing our precious little ones and some of us decide to become a stay-at-home mom. Regardless of what our decision is after becoming a mom, it affects all of us. Our vision are all the same…the kids well being comes first.
I myself am a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I decided earlier on that it’s cost effective not to put our kids in daycare as well as the fact that we want our kids to have at least one family member with them daily. We’re both from different continents and have no immediate family to expose our cultural values and upbringing to our children so the best option was that I become a stay-at-home mom. I’m also very paranoid about leaving small children in a daycare setting, too many disturbing videos circulating the web.
After my first child, I was overwhelmed with excitement, being a brand new mom. My baby was like a real life doll I can change into cute outfits, change diapers, sing to, cuddle and love all the time. Unfolding the new joys of motherhood is a different kind of high, it’s why we have seconds and thirds right?
But when it gets to being routine and you forget how to be yourself in the process, you may not feel the same about motherhood as you did initially. It’s nothing to feel guilty about, we all need a break. (I’m still waiting on mine 🙂 ) You’re human and there’s only so much you can do. People will make you feel like you’re a complainer and your task is easy…it’s really not. If being a mother wasn’t a full time job, then why do we pay others for child care?
As a parent, your working hours never turn off, your brain never relaxes. You’re constantly planning and organizing things for your family, not to mention the constant mess you have clean daily. It is strenuous when you’re like the backbone of your family. I appreciate the fact that my husband treats me like an equal when it comes to our kids and our house. Despite working many hours, he never makes me feel like my job is easier and I don’t need the help.
After I had my first child, I often felt like I didn’t have a life anymore. Everything was wrapped up into caring for this small human. I didn’t take any time for myself. I didn’t read which is my main thing to do for recuperation from life. My attitude stunk, I was aggravated by everything. Having kids also puts a strain on your marriage. You may tend to use the wrong tone with your spouse or be forgetful that they’re half of your partnership.
That’s why it’s important to take a step back and take care of you. If you don’t take care of you, it’s detrimental for the survival of your family. You can fall apart as a person and blame your family for it. You can become judgemental and bitter to those who seem to have a handle on their lives.
I still don’t get any time off as there’s no one that I trust to watch my kids but I’ve found small things that help me reconnected with who I am. Do things that make you happy such as a hobby. Make the extra effort for spousal time, your husband needs you just like your kids need you. If you can manage it, plan a girls night out with your friends. Have some downtime, relax and recover from constantly going and going. I personally love to sit and do nothing, just hear my own thoughts.
Be productive. Find something that you enjoy doing and do it. For instance, I write. I’m not very good at it albeit but it makes me happy, it gives me something to do daily. Writing this blog right now is relaxing to me, I kinda left the kitchen in a mess to have a few minutes to myself…ooops. And that’s another thing, always remember that tomorrow is another day. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect everyday. Leave the chores sometimes and just enjoy your kids.
A lot of us also forget to take care of our appearance. In no way am I vain or pushing anyone to wear a full face of make up all the time but it helps you feel good about yourself. When you look into the mirror at your tired face, it can make you feel worse about yourself and your life. Occasionally, get your hair done or your nails, buy a new shirt. This may all sound like nonsense to you until you’re put into this situation.
If you don’t care of you, then you can’t take care of your family. If mom is happy and contented, then it makes you motivated to tackle your days. There’ll always be stress, an argument with hubby, a financial burden, your kids giving you attitude, but if you are alright, then you have the power to overcome anything. Nothing is bigger than you. You’ve got this moms.