A lot of moms I know just roll out of bed, get their kids ready for school and they’re on their way. I just can’t start a single thought without a drop of coffee. Here’s how my morning goes…I wake up thirty minutes to an hour before I really need to wake up in order to have a cup of coffee. If I don’t, I won’t only be tired and cranky, I’ll be dysfunctional. My thoughts need to be collected before I wake the kids up. I am incompetent without coffee. That’s just the way it is, I can’t do anything about it at this point. I’m also diabetic and I’m not a breakfast person as soon as I wake up. I’m more of a brunch person so coffee holds me out until then without passing out.
So recently I’ve been feeling very incompetent about writing. I forgot about my natural born passion for storytelling and got engrossed with just producing any kind of content even the not so good kind. I mentioned before about kindle unlimited books that I found very unlikable getting great reviews and readers, and I felt like I should cut pieces of my stories and produce a quick read.
When I reread these rushed pieces, I not only disliked it but I disliked myself. I made myself nauseous. It’d be embarrassing to put such atrocities out into the world. But I also felt very inferior in my craft and I say my craft because it’s what I love to do, it’s what I truly want to do. Being a storyteller is my heart’s true desire. There I’ve said it.
In the last few days I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. I feel like I should really take a step back from rushed and disorganized writing, collect myself mentally then begin again, but with better planning next time.
Writing is not an easy task and because I’m struggling with it, I feel like maybe I’m not cut out for it. But I want to be cut out for it, I need to be cut out for it. So many characters exist in my head and their stories need to be told. I need to tell those stories like I need air. I’m not sure why I thought that successful authors write easily, that their creativity flows out of them with no effort. Great stories take years upon years to write so why do I sell myself short? The extensive research and planning that goes into a book is all part of it. After hearing about some authors’ journeys, I do feel inspired and motivated to continue reaching for the stars.
Creativity is not dead.
xo Coffee Doll