I couldn’t always detect the toxicity in people, hence I allowed their venomous aura to infect my life and cause chaos. Toxic people can present themselves in a very sheep-like manner leaving you feeling like the villain for being stressed, annoyed and sometimes disgusted by them.
Not all toxic people intentionally cause harm. Sometimes they are unaware of how toxic their behavior and words are, and other times, they can revel in your destruction. It’s important to detect and filter such people from your life. Not everyone is meant to be in your life and that’s perfectly okay. The most important thing is you…and your peace of mind.
Here are some ways you can detect a toxic person in your life:
- Second Guessing their intentions. If you feel miserable or bothered after a conversation with someone you consider a friend, then there’s a high chance that person is probably a toxic person. You may find yourself second guessing their intentions or loyalty.
- Constantly putting you down. You may feel like nothing in your life will ever seem good enough in this person’s eyes. They’re constantly putting your ideas and decisions down. And in most instances it comes off as a bit of envy but you’ll also second guess that maybe your choices really aren’t good enough.
- Lack of Confidence. Somehow this person thrives on your lack of confidence and is happy that you see yourself as they see you. Your independence and success may tend to eject negativity out of this person.
- Always competing. Competition is good until a certain point but if a person is always trying to one-up on everything possible, like the way you drive or the way your eyebrows are shaped, that’s toxicity.
- Manipulation. You may be blamed for something that goes wrong in your life and you will eventually believe it. You may also be manipulated into doing things you don’t want to do or shouldn’t even do, and yet you feel like a horse’s ass if you don’t. You don’t owe anyone anything.
- No apologies. One day you may feel like you deserve an apology and it’ll never come, because that person is always right, always has the upper hand and you have to constantly prove yourself to them.
- No remorse. They won’t show any remorse even when they knowingly caused you harm.
- Their word is law. They’ll judge you for the one thing wrong about you and it’ll outweigh all of the good things about you. They tend to exaggerate your shortcomings and make you feel inferior and incompetent.
- Always about them. You know how you’re that four a.m. call and there’s no one else that you can call at four a.m. when shit hits the fan in your life? Yeah, it’s always about them and it’s always going to be about them. Even when they’ve wronged you, they’ll find some narcissistic way to turn the tables and make it all…about…them.
- Harm. Then there’s the toxic people who blatantly cause harm to you. Backbiting, betrayal, gossiping, you name it. They cause chaos in your life, chaos among your friends or family.
In my experience, the best way to deal with toxic people is to create a distance between them and yourself. Such people aren’t your friends and don’t have your best interests at heart. If you do feel like the person isn’t completely toxic but slightly alarming, hash it out and see if it’d work but if those red flags go up…cut them loose. Anyone that treats you less than your worth or disturbs your sense of peace isn’t right for you, whether it be friends, family or a significant other. It does more harm than good to force a relation that isn’t bringing you camaraderie. The last thing you want is for all of their negative vibrations to cast a net over how you see yourself.
xo Coffee Doll