A while back, I wrote about toxic friendships and how to detect it on my blog and I’ve always wanted to touch on the topic of toxic relationships. Sometimes we tend to overlook some serious damage being done underneath the surface in hopes of things changing for the better. As usual I have to insert a disclaimer saying this post doesn’t speak for all relationships as many relationships survive its daily ups and downs.
Like toxic friendships, the toxicity in relationships aren’t always seen in black or white. A toxic partner wouldn’t necessarily harm you in a direct way such as abuse, cheating etc. There are grayed out areas in a relationship that you know and feel is not correct for you yet it’s hard to cut ties and move on. You may feel an intense love for your partner, and generally you both have a great time together. A few arguments here and there won’t raise any red flags so you continue to pursue this relationship even though deep inside you feel like an absolute wreck.
- Feeling Alone. Despite a relationship being a sort of partnership, one partner feels alone, insecure or even unwanted. A relationship is meant to make one feel fulfilled and add to one’s life. Otherwise, what’s the point?
- You’re a lesser half. When you constantly conform to your partner’s wants and needs, his/her opinions and your voice is never heard you tend to feel unimportant. Eventually this feeling of inferiority will lead towards you pleasing the other person through hell or high water yet the same won’t be done for you because you are always taken for granted.
- Controlling Partner. A controlling partner can act on a simple bout of jealousy or need for control and make you cut ties with your friends and families. It sounds silly writing it but I have seen it time and time again. I’ve even experienced a relationship like this. To be manipulated by your significant other and ignore everyone around you is unhealthy. Then you are truly alone.
- Jealousy. We all are flattered when our significant others express a form of jealousy but when does jealousy become too much? I personally think it’s absurd to have someone in your phone, emails, social media around the clock. If you can’t share trust, then what kind of relationship do you really have? And if you can’t trust the person you’re with, then why continue to pursue it?
- Dwelling on the past. We often joke about this and make memes about it when people conjure old arguments during a new one to turn tables on the other person. To be able to move forward in a relationship, there is need for forgive and forget. Dwelling on ancient petty matters won’t help the situation.
- Communication. If you can’t communicate yourself well in a relationship and establish your half of the partnership then you will eventually bottle up your feelings until you start resenting your significant other. This leads to treating your significant other sourly. So don’t brush the problem over with a brand new gift, deal with it. Find common ground and put yourself in the other person’s shoe.
- Lack of Respect. Last but not least I want to talk about respect. I feel like it’s something that’s overlooked in relationships nowadays. We think attraction and common interests will lead us down the road to love. Respect is a key factor in tying love, trust and communication together. Embarrassing your other half in front of people is disrespectful. If you have problems talk with each other and not about each other. Be mindful and respectful that this other person brings some sort of fulfillment in your life and appreciate that.
Thanks for reading! xo Coffee Doll