I did a post some time back about having someone hovering over my shoulder or just casually standing behind me. People responded to it, so I guess I’m not the only one that feels a mixed surge of annoyance and anxiousness by it. Lately, I’ve been growing a special distaste for answering phones, but it’s the knocking on the door that really sets in my anxiety. I start sweating, heart rate increases and I can’t understand why. Is this introverting being kicked into over drive?
It’s hard to say. I’m better at having conversations now, although it’s still very awkward unless they are with people I’m totally comfortable with. But why is the knocking on the door such a trigger for me lately? I feel such fear and agitation. If I’m not expecting a package or I know the whereabouts of my husband, there is no reason why someone would knock, especially at night. It happened twice recently. Me and the kids were home alone, and it was way past the time any neighbor or sales person would knock. The knocks were soft, and then they stopped. Of course I didn’t open the door with sweaty palms and shaky words. I dimmed the lights and told my kids to stop shouting.
It scares me that my behavior might project onto them one day.
I’m trying to understand the root of the problem, and I think it has to do with high crime rate hitting close to home. What I mean is, there are so many things happening daily that it triggers some over protective force inside of me. The anxiety also comes from interacting with strangers who knock on the door and won’t go away. Have you ever had a sales person knock on the door who refuses to go away until you sign something or buy something? It’s happened to me on countless occasions. People from groups looking to recruit members, people who walk around insisting you change your utility service shoving papers and pens in your face.
Already a very awkward human, I’m reaching a stage in my life where I just don’t want to interact with someone if I don’t necessarily need to.
There’s more to this topic, but I need some lunch. So until then, Happy Monday and don’t forget to leave me a comment if you have similar experiences.